I Can Hear Your Silent Condemnation

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I rarely struggle to put things in words once I've been called to say them.

This has been a bit of a difference experience for me.
I've taken to typing and gotten through a single sentence several times over the past 2 weeks.
Suddenly last week, sitting in line for an oil change.... it all came to me. What I needed to tell you.

My story ...
Not my version of someone else's story, not my story of my little man's journey or the experiences of those around me, not my story of the easy things, but MY STORY ... 

Because I can hear your silent condemnation and it's not okay ... and someone needed to say it - it's not okay.  

When I got sober I understood doing the next right thing to mean toeing the line of conformity and going along with what the majority of "put together-middle class America" deemed normal and appropriate.  And let me tell you guys, that ideal served me very well!!! Everyone is your friend and everyone is pleased with who you are as a person when you're actions are that which make them comfortable and understanding. 

My husband however did not get the memo. He understood doing the next right thing as standing for his beliefs, independence and speaking the absolute truth. He had big dreams and he was sober now and intended to make those dreams a reality.

It was 2 months before our wedding. I had been advocating for holistic health and wellness for about 4 years. I understood the corruption of our government,  the lies of the FDA and Big Pharma and the epidemics that were ravaging the people we love. But I was still toeing the line. I would get the looks and side comments but for the most part I knew what was enough when it came to standing up and what was too much [i.e. when to keep my mouth shut], plus holistic wellness was making a come-back ... people were beginning to accept that at the least some of us planned to live that way.

And then.... the husband started advocating for cannabis. And not very quietly.  I asked him to be quiet about it... and he sort of tried ... but he made it clear that wasn’t his way and he really didn't want me asking him to go against his own beliefs.  Looking back now I can see how much our life has benefited from him standing his ground. But that's for another story.

As he began advocating, I was simultaneously desperately searching for a natural alternative to pharma meds to help the kiddo with focus and anxiety and I landed on CBD.  Learning about the hemp plant, the benefits of it to my life and to our world as a whole … that moment I fell in love with holistic healing all over again. .. and any doubts I had about traveling that path with my little family was gone. I realized there was so much more than I even knew or understood about holistic, natural healing and I realized I wanted to know it.  Our creator as given us so much in this world to help us thrive and heal!! It's an absolute beautiful thing and I wanted to bask in all the glory he has surrounded us with ... I wanted my baby to feel good and healthy, but man I wanted to feel good and healthy as well!!  

But I was still silent. Because silent ... is super safe.

It was 6 months later when Chad came and asked me if I wanted to start a company sharing what we had found with other families. He basically told me I couldn't keep what we had and not help others with it.  He reminded me the journey already had so many bumps due to the stigma associated with cannabis and that other children would suffer from that stigma if people didn’t begin to stand up for them.  And he was right.  I knew he was right.  We were already struggling with the sudden silence of "friends" and the school wasn't willing to dose during the day since it wasn't a pharmaceutical (but they'll dose that adderall all day long). I knew what needed to be done. 
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And I said yes. Immediately.  Not because I'm super strong and full of this kick ass internal do-right.  That's not my story. But because I knew it needed to be done and in a moment of clarity God gave me the strength to show up. So I said yes. And I kept saying yes. And I kept showing up and I showed up all the way through launching a company amidst controversy and judgment, because God gives me strength when I am following his path. 

I forced myself all the way into a position to no longer be silent.  I either stood up for what I believed with my entire being, or I turned my back on it all for silence, and stayed exactly where I was in my life.  And I'm done with that life ... the turning my back on my truth for the acceptance of the masses, the knowing better but not doing better, the individualistic idea that I should only worry about my family and not the rest of the world ... nah, I'm done with that girl. 

Let me tell you a little about me. I'm a mom who loves her child. We read AR at night together because otherwise he wont do it and is a pain, we fumble through discipline like everyone else,  we try to make homework seem way more exciting that it is, I give tons of hugs and I love you's because I don't know how long those will last, and we laugh and cook and plan fun weekend outings to go journey through the city, and watch the fun Marvel movies, and play board games (Clue and UNO are a fav) ...  because the world is an amazing place to explore, and one of the blessings the creator gave to us was to explore that world with those we love.  And I'm a wife who loves date night and sweet words, and tackling this partnership/marriage craze with my always, and exploring our world and this life journey with a man who shows his love and passion in all he does. And I'm a daughter/sister/nanny who tries to be the person my parents raised me to be and does my best to stay connected and present with the amazing people who loved me and still do unconditionally.  And I love being a friend to this tribe who has made me a better woman, and a mentor to girls who need some understanding, and I'm a book nerd and a bit of a gym rat, and I'm loud and passionate and really just a free spirit who wishes the world didn't box that spirit in so often. 

You see, I'm a lot like you I bet.

If you read just that paragraph... I'm just a girl, in this big world,  trying to make a difference and do right by those she loves.

But I won’t share that paragraph alone anymore. I won’t stay silent for fear of your silent condemnation.  I am beginning to realize it's silent for a reason.

You see, I don't believe we are put on this earth to be average and love ourselves and our families with individualistic ideals. I believe we are given strengths and gifts that specifically fulfill the calling that our creator has called to us to do. And damn it, I'm going to fulfill my calling.

So that paragraph, about me .... doctors, lawyers, children, the elderly, from all walks of life, just looking to get out of bed in the morning without pain, to make it through the day without seizures, to come home after a long day of work and be able to breathe in life a bit before the seemingly long journey before bed, the ability to breathe in life, parents desperate to save their children .... they are the same too...just like me .. .and I’m betting, just like you.  Genuine, amazing, beautiful people all just asking for their right to live a healthy life .... and to be left alone doing it. Without your stares, gossip and judgment. And some ... some would even love for you to get out of your comfortable little house a bit and stand on the front lines with them against a government that isn't trying to save a soul. Some of them are fighting for you because you're not able or willing to fight.

They are beautiful people .. you're missing out on some beautiful, beautiful people.

It hit me as my writing came to an end that I had been doing it all wrong. I thought this was about the stigma surrounding the cannabis industry. But it isn’t really ... it’s about believing in our creator, believing in the plants and energy and depth of what he provided to us here on this earth. It’s about having true faith in what he provided so much so that we don’t need to pollute ourselves nor the world with things just because we can make cheaper and addictive for monetary gain.  And it's about people ...about loving the people the creator surrounded us with.  Coming together despite our differences ... because there is a reason we are here ... in this big world ... together.

So I challenge you to set aside your silence, meet your neighbor.  And ask them .... about themselves. 


Until next time,
Heather, owner Mountain Pure